It hurts, you know, it hurts like hell !
And there is nothing you can do about it. In spite of being rational, being practical and all that, finally emotion wins. A battle we know we will lose even if we have the armoury to win against it.
This post will be a queer one. I can already sense it.
I have stopped looking for answers to all my questions - most of which are rhetorical in nature and yet, life comes to me like a punctuation and compels me to revisit those questions from time to time. And again, I have no answers. Actually, the answer is that I have no answer.
The last week has been strange. Pretty eventful. Well, for once, I was not at the centre of all the events. Though, it did not affect me any less. Somehow, there is always a tug at the chords of the heart for people who matter. Even when you are as objective as one can get. Or would cynical be the right word ?
Three affairs. All over. A grinding heart-wrenching full-stop. And to three wonderful people I have known. And I am helpless, that in such times I cannot do anything but listen. Only listen. I have no other option. It is ironical that the words dry up when you need them the most. Everybody betrays at precisely the right moment. Even the words. Its frustrating. The point is whatever I say, would not make sense, would not help. Yet, I can identify with them no end and I can only tell them things that I have learnt when faced with such things knowing fully well that people only learn it one way. Experience.
How I wish, for once, that I could be a little more empathetic, how I wish I knew what to say, how I wish I could feel, how I wish I could tell them "Yeah, I know, it hurts - like hell !"
Monday, September 18, 2006
Friday, September 08, 2006
Just and Fair
Sometimes I think she was right. Actually as my friend would correct me always, at most times I think she was right. We were actually not meant to be. Its funny how certain phrases stick. Through thick and thin. How they unconsciously create an impact.
It has happened to me throughout my life and never ceases to amaze me and the people around me. Strange, but I somehow seem to remember the most idiotic things - said and unsaid. The problem with the unsaid things are that you can never be sure(to which my friend again would reply in his typical acerbic tone and sleepy eyes "Its so profound!!") And the problem with the said things are that, well - they are said.
It is always possible to recognize happiness when you see it or hear it. The person changes. I had seen that before on one occassion but this was quite revolutionary. Considering the fact, that she never knew HOW to be happy. And I am pretty sure, I can never make her THAT happy - even if I lived a million years. Which is what makes me realize that she was right.
Its again funny, when you look back at things which you felt at some time to be incredibly important, you wonder WHAT was in it that was so great. And you simply laugh at your own predicament, embarrassed by your own stupid actions. Or inactions.
Somehow, miraculously I have this habit of going for the wrong things. If I were an
investment banker, I can just shudder at the thought of the state of the company. Anyways, I am sure that we would have made a wonderful couple. Now, this "we" and the other "we" are different - of course !!
When we have this conversations nowadays, about things - in general, about crap and all, I sort of understand the price of inaction.What was I thinking? The answer is I was not thinking - which has somewhat become a trend with me nowadays.
Opportunity lost. Regrets? Ah, sometimes (This time STRICTLY sometimes!)
A moonlit night on a sandy beach, a boat in the distant sea is too attractive a thought to let go. Life is absolutely fair and just. You always realize the best things only when they are past you.
It has happened to me throughout my life and never ceases to amaze me and the people around me. Strange, but I somehow seem to remember the most idiotic things - said and unsaid. The problem with the unsaid things are that you can never be sure(to which my friend again would reply in his typical acerbic tone and sleepy eyes "Its so profound!!") And the problem with the said things are that, well - they are said.
It is always possible to recognize happiness when you see it or hear it. The person changes. I had seen that before on one occassion but this was quite revolutionary. Considering the fact, that she never knew HOW to be happy. And I am pretty sure, I can never make her THAT happy - even if I lived a million years. Which is what makes me realize that she was right.
Its again funny, when you look back at things which you felt at some time to be incredibly important, you wonder WHAT was in it that was so great. And you simply laugh at your own predicament, embarrassed by your own stupid actions. Or inactions.
Somehow, miraculously I have this habit of going for the wrong things. If I were an
investment banker, I can just shudder at the thought of the state of the company. Anyways, I am sure that we would have made a wonderful couple. Now, this "we" and the other "we" are different - of course !!
When we have this conversations nowadays, about things - in general, about crap and all, I sort of understand the price of inaction.What was I thinking? The answer is I was not thinking - which has somewhat become a trend with me nowadays.
Opportunity lost. Regrets? Ah, sometimes (This time STRICTLY sometimes!)
A moonlit night on a sandy beach, a boat in the distant sea is too attractive a thought to let go. Life is absolutely fair and just. You always realize the best things only when they are past you.
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