On Childhood
One of the best times I have ever had. Partly because I was at my dominating and bullying best. Imagine. ME being a bully. Trust me, I had that power. Not physically but the lashing which I could vent out even at that age through my tongue was to be heard to be believed. Being the boss of a group of kids is a pleasure. People hate you but they are scared to stand up to you.
Today, in hindsight, I feel absolutely lousy for those actions of mine. I shudder at the thought of some other kid doing the same things to mine some day.
The 6th Birthday
I think that was the first time I celebrated my birthday. And possibly the best and most eventful one I have had in my life. It was remarkable. The first time I received so many gifts on a single day and so much attention was showered on me. I simply was transported to another planet.
Since I was 14, I have become totally indifferent to that day and now I dislike it much more than I do anything else. It makes me feel utterly idiotic and I cannot find one good reason why I should celebrate THAT day. As far as I know, the world does not seem to be better or worse off because of me.
The First Love
I have dedicated an entire post to that. Need I say more ?
Honestly speaking, I really do not know what love is. I am obsessed by it. And this obsession has continued to this day. My idea of love was shaped by two landmark movies of my generation - Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak and Maine Pyar Kiya. Being in love was to be catapulted to the highest pedestal of adulthood. And me being the ever flamboyant one, had to be there. Different matter that I never got there.
MBA
Possibly the most critical element in my life. I will know the significance of this possibly ten years from now. But surely in these three decades, if I could call anything an achievement, it would be to complete a MBA shocking everyone around.
That day, I realized, even I can.
On Girlfriends
Mine are a unique lot. Seriously. My father is actually more proud of them than I am. He thinks what I share with them is quite extraordinary. I am not sure why I interest them - they seem to take an uncanny interest in my life but its kinda nice. Much as I wouldn't want to, I have to admit that. Ohh, the glee on their faces when they read this. Intolerable !
Subhabrata
Aparajita was right. I doubt whether anyone else would love me simply for who I am or rather for me being me. How many are fortunate enough to have people like that in their lives. I am.
Three decades spent. Mostly wasted. Some cherished memories. Some excruciating ones. Some failures. Few successes. Some outstanding persons who have left large footprints on my life. Few who have screwed the hell out of me. Some whose actions have changed where I was headed. Some which started new journeys. No miracles. Loads of good wishes. Some true and some well - fake. Some curses, powerful ones. One sensational friend. No enemies. A young heart and a mind which still functions.
Could I have asked for more ? Shouldn't I be happy and satisfied ? Then why am I not ? Maybe the next three decades would answer that.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The Curse of Friendship
The lady comes back with prophecies made long time back only to prove that she was right. For all the hours and minutes spent trying to challenge age old wisdom it was a battle I was destined to lose. The only critical factor was time. At thirteen, the world is different. Realism hardly sets in at that time and vision is limited to the next 100 yards.
At that age, relationships appear to be everlasting. Love is sacred. And the pledge of friendship beyond question. The lady in a fit of exasperation at my obsession with friends had warned me of a junk investment, if you were to look at one purely in terms of return. If it was a question of riding over the next few years, about sharing some time and space together, she was fine. What she objected to was the over emphasis and the price tag I put on it.
Of all the time I have spent on this wretched planet, I think I would have been well served if I had nomadic relationships rather than the ones which continued to defy time. Old friends are like old wine. They ought to be exploited and brought out once in a while to let you remember of 'those days' where life was uncomplicated and promises were meant to be kept. More often than not friendships are based on unspoken contracts which require no law to be executed but are more sacrosanct than any other legal document you can create. It is those unspecified and unwritten clauses which when honoured make friendships beautiful. It is when those are consigned to mere corollaries and overlooked which renders it useless. And as per the lady in question, such renderings are just a day away.
Life is beautiful but the action of living it is what makes it a drudgery. It is at those times that you need the return on the incredible amount of time and energy and emotional quotient that you have invested. And it is precisely at that moment that life hits you with its greatest weapon and numbing force - reality.
The reality is startling and quite devastating. Maybe, it was always like that. Maybe I never took the sunglasses off for fear of being blinded. Or maybe, I never thought that it had the capacity to blind. In hindsight, those idiots who stunned us simply by their unapologetic superficiality, were not idiots after all. They understood that in time, friends might be there and might not be. What we do and make and what we are, are questions that is best answered by oneself. Finally when you stand and look around, you will see your friends - basking in collective glory if you have made a success out of your life or looking at you with forlorn eyes and paying lovely lip service if you have not. What would be sadly missing is the honest intent of feeling either of them or even depressingly is the intention to honour those pledges. That is when you feel the sense of wastage.
I guess that is what my mother used to warn me of.
At that age, relationships appear to be everlasting. Love is sacred. And the pledge of friendship beyond question. The lady in a fit of exasperation at my obsession with friends had warned me of a junk investment, if you were to look at one purely in terms of return. If it was a question of riding over the next few years, about sharing some time and space together, she was fine. What she objected to was the over emphasis and the price tag I put on it.
Of all the time I have spent on this wretched planet, I think I would have been well served if I had nomadic relationships rather than the ones which continued to defy time. Old friends are like old wine. They ought to be exploited and brought out once in a while to let you remember of 'those days' where life was uncomplicated and promises were meant to be kept. More often than not friendships are based on unspoken contracts which require no law to be executed but are more sacrosanct than any other legal document you can create. It is those unspecified and unwritten clauses which when honoured make friendships beautiful. It is when those are consigned to mere corollaries and overlooked which renders it useless. And as per the lady in question, such renderings are just a day away.
Life is beautiful but the action of living it is what makes it a drudgery. It is at those times that you need the return on the incredible amount of time and energy and emotional quotient that you have invested. And it is precisely at that moment that life hits you with its greatest weapon and numbing force - reality.
The reality is startling and quite devastating. Maybe, it was always like that. Maybe I never took the sunglasses off for fear of being blinded. Or maybe, I never thought that it had the capacity to blind. In hindsight, those idiots who stunned us simply by their unapologetic superficiality, were not idiots after all. They understood that in time, friends might be there and might not be. What we do and make and what we are, are questions that is best answered by oneself. Finally when you stand and look around, you will see your friends - basking in collective glory if you have made a success out of your life or looking at you with forlorn eyes and paying lovely lip service if you have not. What would be sadly missing is the honest intent of feeling either of them or even depressingly is the intention to honour those pledges. That is when you feel the sense of wastage.
I guess that is what my mother used to warn me of.
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