The Question of Identity

One of the questions which haunt us all through our formative years would be "Who am I?" I have seen people do all sorts of things to establish that. It makes for amazing study of the psychology of human beings. I have always been fascinated by the people around me. Just by being with them, following every action of theirs gave me a glimpse of what they are going through, what is bothering them and what makes them.

Trying not to be judgmental, I will put forth some of them which has intrigued me and still continues to do so and of course, what I think about them.

Academic Brilliance
This is actually a disease. A typically myopic, conservative, elitist aspiration. If we cannot be judged by how we look (though in reality, we are), why should we be judged on how intelligent we are? If I had the choice, believe me, I would look like Gregory Peck and be as intelligent as Einstein or even Dawkins. Some of my friends were simply paranoid about how they fared in an exam. And if it did not meet up with their expectations, it would be a shattering experience. Not because it would close certain doors where they would have liked to knock on, but because it puts their identity in question. Now, how ridiculous could that be ?!

Professional Excellence
Excellence in any form ought to be appreciated and applauded. But the extent to which people can harp on their outstanding performance and appraisal ratings, is to be heard to be believed. Frankly, I doubt whether anyone wants to hear how good you are at what you are doing. Its of the least consequence to mankind until and unless you are researching on the next HIV drug or the next nano-bomb. You are making money, and all of your energies and focus are in ensuring that you continue to make more of it. Just don't make a marketing project out of it and prove it to the world at large that you count. You do, by just as much as you would have, if you did not have a job.

Looking Ravishing
I must confess that I am biased towards this. I mean, who does not want to look at beautiful women? I have heard people say that beauty is subjective. Which is of course, a whole load of crap. And wonder of all wonders, this line is generally taken by the ugly ducklings. Talk of self-consolatory statements and there is no better example than this. We look the way we look. We cannot do anything about it. YOU KNOW whether you are beautiful or ugly. And hardly anything can change that. Except maybe, being in love. Which in a weird sort of way, makes everyone beautiful. But for people, who base their identity on how they look and I have had the privilege to be associated with some of them, theirs is a lot to be pitied. They are visually delightful but intellectually bankrupt.

Rebel Without a Cause
The most natural method of getting yourself be known. Do things which are disapproved by all and you get instant recognition. Plus - a lot of girlfriends. Transient - Yes. But at 14, who cares ? The problem occurs if you stretch it too far or start too late. For you to sustain it, you have to be a near genius. And genius, misdirected or aimless, can wreak havoc. Read this and tell me what you make out of it. Because I still don't know if living for oneself is the best way to extract the maximum out of life.

My Take
How would I like someone to establish his identity? I don't know. But over the years people who have followed these traits listed below are the ones whom I have come to respect and admire and I guess this is what I would appreciate most:
1. Being honest to yourself
2. Respect and compassion for all human beings just because
3. Pursuit of excellence without a loudspeaker

Will you marry me?

When it comes to waxing eloquence, chances are you won't find anyone better than the inexplicable creation called women. And exactly on similar veins, when it comes to handing out a reality check in vague,indistinct euphemistical terms there is no competition to them as well.

Harry Belafonte had a song dedicated to this "The woman is smarter than the man in every way". Wonder what made him realize that. The poor guy, I doubt, hardly had an inclination that he had stumbled upon a cosmic truth. And we think our ancient sages had all the answers.

The last two existing bachelors of our JU group has had a bagful of experiences when it comes to marriage. One has left the field in sheer exasperation while the other continues to fight as he has been doing all through his life with no signs of abatement on any front. The list of experiences listed here is definitely not exhaustive but indicative. Of what ?

Girl: You have such a charming sense of humour....
Guy: Will you marry me?
Girl: You are an awesome guy BUT you see after careful consideration of the chemistry we enjoy and I assure you that it is something which I have never enjoyed with another, I have come to the conclusion that we should not go beyond this...

Girl: You are an excellent person and you deserve all the happiness in the world. In fact if I were to sum up the collective happiness that this world has to offer, you would deserve more than that.
Guy: Will you marry me?
Girl:You are an awesome guy BUT I do not think I can be happy with you. I mean, I want someone who is chivalrous and polished and could really make me happy, you know...

Girl: You are so witty and educated and you have such an awesome career...
Guy: Will you marry me?
Girl: You are an awesome guy BUT things did not turn out the way I expected when we met. I expected sparks to fly and the sky to applaud in its resplendent glory and rainbows to add to the brilliance. But you felt sleepy and tired. Okay, you had a 14 hour bus journey, but so what ? You cannot be allowed to be tired. Not when you are with me.

Girl: You are one of the nicest persons I have met. There are lots of reasons for marrying you.
Guy: Will you marry me?
Girl: You are an awesome guy BUT when I said that there are lots of reasons for marrying you, I really meant that there are exactly that many for NOT marrying you. I wish you all the very best in life and may you find the Cinderella of your dreams with her shoes intact for life.

Girl: You talk so well. That is such an endearing quality. Women would secretly desire you but might be unnerved by your extrovert nature lest it attracts others bees to the nectar!
Guy: Will you marry me?
Girl: You are an awesome guy BUT I think I need to think a bit more. At this moment, my priority in life is to think about my career and my aspiration is to be married to someone who will pamper me, fulfil all my desires without me having to spell it out - basically someone like my Dad!

Girl: You are so funny. The conversations with you has been mindblowing to say the least. Your wife will be one of the luckiest persons.
Guy: Will you marry me?
Girl: You are an awesome guy BUT the stars foretell trouble. When I matched your horroscope with mine, they said there was an explosion. In Baghdad. Our horroscope score came out to be 28 while mine with another prospective suitor was 32! Now, it does not require mathematical genius to know that 32>28.

Girl: You are such a brilliant guy. I think we should seriously think about us.
Guy: Will you marry me?
Girl: You are an awesome guy BUT I don't think that you are sincere enough in your attitude towards me. You actually went ahead with your trip which you had planned with your friends about THREE months before meeting me?!! Of course, you should have cancelled that and danced to my tunes. You had the audacity to think that you are the Pied Piper ?!

On the basis of the statistical evidence at hand, the two bachelors individually were forced to discover another cosmic truth:
"I am an awesome guy...BUT"

Crucial Disclaimer: The bachelors in question so far has never popped the question. But the answers came nonetheless.