Saturday, March 21, 2015

Radhika Part 3

What will be your first memory ? Mine was my first day at school. The first five years has been a complete washout. Which means, right now, while you will be every bit a part of our memory, we will not be.

But something of these 5 years will stay on. In what form or fashion is not discernible yet. And we will never know. Just as my parents have not. Just as you will not, when your time comes.

I wonder what will shape you as a person. Which actions of ours, the ones we despise and we do not want to pass on, will you absorb and carry on with. Is there any hope of you getting out of our shadows ? Will you be able to look at us with clear-eyed objectivity and let us know at some point - things you have been able to filter and in the process become somewhat tolerable ? If I were to judge by history, it is unlikely that it will be a convincing victory.

Its a battle. To understand your own frailties. To accept them, to know that your parents, whom you would be looking up to for the next decade or so are as much human as you would be. Parents do not make mistakes. Unfortunately, they need to choose. And choices are like a coin toss. You win some, you lose some.

So point a finger if you must, if you have to. Only remember, that those same fingers will come back.

I have not learnt from the failures of my parents. Mostly because few of us know where they actually failed. By extension, you will not as well. The only thing I can think which I will try to give you, which my parents were not able to give me, would be to question the wisdom of your parents. Since each generation chooses to prioritize what to give basis their own experience, this is what I choose for you.

When you think back, your generation will consider this as a given. Trust me. For us, it was not. As incredible as it may sound to you, parents still do teach their children to believe in a universal creator. Unfair. Unjust.

Radhika - this is a gift. I will know whether this gift has been worth it. Whether my choice was right. I only hope, it is.