Sunday, August 30, 2009

Will you marry me?

When it comes to waxing eloquence, chances are you won't find anyone better than the inexplicable creation called women. And exactly on similar veins, when it comes to handing out a reality check in vague,indistinct euphemistical terms there is no competition to them as well.

Harry Belafonte had a song dedicated to this "The woman is smarter than the man in every way". Wonder what made him realize that. The poor guy, I doubt, hardly had an inclination that he had stumbled upon a cosmic truth. And we think our ancient sages had all the answers.

The last two existing bachelors of our JU group has had a bagful of experiences when it comes to marriage. One has left the field in sheer exasperation while the other continues to fight as he has been doing all through his life with no signs of abatement on any front. The list of experiences listed here is definitely not exhaustive but indicative. Of what ?

Girl: You have such a charming sense of humour....
Guy: Will you marry me?
Girl: You are an awesome guy BUT you see after careful consideration of the chemistry we enjoy and I assure you that it is something which I have never enjoyed with another, I have come to the conclusion that we should not go beyond this...

Girl: You are an excellent person and you deserve all the happiness in the world. In fact if I were to sum up the collective happiness that this world has to offer, you would deserve more than that.
Guy: Will you marry me?
Girl:You are an awesome guy BUT I do not think I can be happy with you. I mean, I want someone who is chivalrous and polished and could really make me happy, you know...

Girl: You are so witty and educated and you have such an awesome career...
Guy: Will you marry me?
Girl: You are an awesome guy BUT things did not turn out the way I expected when we met. I expected sparks to fly and the sky to applaud in its resplendent glory and rainbows to add to the brilliance. But you felt sleepy and tired. Okay, you had a 14 hour bus journey, but so what ? You cannot be allowed to be tired. Not when you are with me.

Girl: You are one of the nicest persons I have met. There are lots of reasons for marrying you.
Guy: Will you marry me?
Girl: You are an awesome guy BUT when I said that there are lots of reasons for marrying you, I really meant that there are exactly that many for NOT marrying you. I wish you all the very best in life and may you find the Cinderella of your dreams with her shoes intact for life.

Girl: You talk so well. That is such an endearing quality. Women would secretly desire you but might be unnerved by your extrovert nature lest it attracts others bees to the nectar!
Guy: Will you marry me?
Girl: You are an awesome guy BUT I think I need to think a bit more. At this moment, my priority in life is to think about my career and my aspiration is to be married to someone who will pamper me, fulfil all my desires without me having to spell it out - basically someone like my Dad!

Girl: You are so funny. The conversations with you has been mindblowing to say the least. Your wife will be one of the luckiest persons.
Guy: Will you marry me?
Girl: You are an awesome guy BUT the stars foretell trouble. When I matched your horroscope with mine, they said there was an explosion. In Baghdad. Our horroscope score came out to be 28 while mine with another prospective suitor was 32! Now, it does not require mathematical genius to know that 32>28.

Girl: You are such a brilliant guy. I think we should seriously think about us.
Guy: Will you marry me?
You are an awesome guy BUT I don't think that you are sincere enough in your attitude towards me. You actually went ahead with your trip which you had planned with your friends about THREE months before meeting me?!! Of course, you should have cancelled that and danced to my tunes. You had the audacity to think that you are the Pied Piper ?!

On the basis of the statistical evidence at hand, the two bachelors individually were forced to discover another cosmic truth:
"I am an awesome guy...BUT"

Crucial Disclaimer: The bachelors in question so far has never popped the question. But the answers came nonetheless.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Three Decades On This Planet

On Childhood
One of the best times I have ever had. Partly because I was at my dominating and bullying best. Imagine. ME being a bully. Trust me, I had that power. Not physically but the lashing which I could vent out even at that age through my tongue was to be heard to be believed. Being the boss of a group of kids is a pleasure. People hate you but they are scared to stand up to you.

Today, in hindsight, I feel absolutely lousy for those actions of mine. I shudder at the thought of some other kid doing the same things to mine some day.

The 6th Birthday
I think that was the first time I celebrated my birthday. And possibly the best and most eventful one I have had in my life. It was remarkable. The first time I received so many gifts on a single day and so much attention was showered on me. I simply was transported to another planet.

Since I was 14, I have become totally indifferent to that day and now I dislike it much more than I do anything else. It makes me feel utterly idiotic and I cannot find one good reason why I should celebrate THAT day. As far as I know, the world does not seem to be better or worse off because of me.

The First Love
I have dedicated an entire post to that. Need I say more ?

Honestly speaking, I really do not know what love is. I am obsessed by it. And this obsession has continued to this day. My idea of love was shaped by two landmark movies of my generation - Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak and Maine Pyar Kiya. Being in love was to be catapulted to the highest pedestal of adulthood. And me being the ever flamboyant one, had to be there. Different matter that I never got there.

Possibly the most critical element in my life. I will know the significance of this possibly ten years from now. But surely in these three decades, if I could call anything an achievement, it would be to complete a MBA shocking everyone around.

day, I realized, even I can.

On Girlfriends
Mine are a unique lot. Seriously. My father is actually more proud of them than I am. He thinks what I share with them is quite extraordinary. I am not sure why I interest them - they seem to take an uncanny interest in my life but its kinda nice. Much as I wouldn't want to, I have to admit that. Ohh, the glee on their faces when they read this. Intolerable !

Aparajita was right. I doubt whether anyone else would love me simply for who I am or rather for me being me. How many are fortunate enough to have people like that in their lives. I am.

Three decades spent. Mostly wasted. Some cherished memories. Some excruciating ones. Some failures. Few successes. Some outstanding persons who have left large footprints on my life. Few who have screwed the hell out of me. Some whose actions have changed where I was headed. Some which started new journeys. No miracles. Loads of good wishes. Some true and some well - fake. Some curses, powerful ones. One sensational friend. No enemies. A young heart and a mind which still functions.

Could I have asked for more ? Shouldn't I be happy and satisfied ? Then why am I not ? Maybe the next three decades would answer that.