On Childhood
One of the best times I have ever had. Partly because I was at my dominating and bullying best. Imagine. ME being a bully. Trust me, I had that power. Not physically but the lashing which I could vent out even at that age through my tongue was to be heard to be believed. Being the boss of a group of kids is a pleasure. People hate you but they are scared to stand up to you.
Today, in hindsight, I feel absolutely lousy for those actions of mine. I shudder at the thought of some other kid doing the same things to mine some day.
The 6th Birthday
I think that was the first time I celebrated my birthday. And possibly the best and most eventful one I have had in my life. It was remarkable. The first time I received so many gifts on a single day and so much attention was showered on me. I simply was transported to another planet.
Since I was 14, I have become totally indifferent to that day and now I dislike it much more than I do anything else. It makes me feel utterly idiotic and I cannot find one good reason why I should celebrate THAT day. As far as I know, the world does not seem to be better or worse off because of me.
The First Love
I have dedicated an entire post to that. Need I say more ?
Honestly speaking, I really do not know what love is. I am obsessed by it. And this obsession has continued to this day. My idea of love was shaped by two landmark movies of my generation - Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak and Maine Pyar Kiya. Being in love was to be catapulted to the highest pedestal of adulthood. And me being the ever flamboyant one, had to be there. Different matter that I never got there.
MBA
Possibly the most critical element in my life. I will know the significance of this possibly ten years from now. But surely in these three decades, if I could call anything an achievement, it would be to complete a MBA shocking everyone around.
That day, I realized, even I can.
On Girlfriends
Mine are a unique lot. Seriously. My father is actually more proud of them than I am. He thinks what I share with them is quite extraordinary. I am not sure why I interest them - they seem to take an uncanny interest in my life but its kinda nice. Much as I wouldn't want to, I have to admit that. Ohh, the glee on their faces when they read this. Intolerable !
Subhabrata
Aparajita was right. I doubt whether anyone else would love me simply for who I am or rather for me being me. How many are fortunate enough to have people like that in their lives. I am.
Three decades spent. Mostly wasted. Some cherished memories. Some excruciating ones. Some failures. Few successes. Some outstanding persons who have left large footprints on my life. Few who have screwed the hell out of me. Some whose actions have changed where I was headed. Some which started new journeys. No miracles. Loads of good wishes. Some true and some well - fake. Some curses, powerful ones. One sensational friend. No enemies. A young heart and a mind which still functions.
Could I have asked for more ? Shouldn't I be happy and satisfied ? Then why am I not ? Maybe the next three decades would answer that.
15 comments:
Sounds like a speech delivered at a "Lifetime Achievement Awared" ceremony!
It's only 3 decades...may you have at least 7 more. And then, (if I have that many decades too) I would like to read your post about more "loves" and more "girlfriends" and more "friends" in general...and maybe your take on dentures, walking sticks, hair dye, cataract surgeries and the those-were-the-days syndrome.
Good to look back and reflect like these.
I often feel, we indulge in excessive self pity at times and tend to ignore the good things we have had in our lives or are even poised to achieve soon. Might sound contrarian, but is'nt that an obscene luxury that we afford at times !
I am glad you feel happy after these illustrious three decades. Trust me ( am sounding like a grand old pa) these three would always remain the most exciting and rewarding ever even when you die building a Taj Mahal for your "beloved" ;-)
How would the next three decade answer why you are not satisfied today? Don't you find enough positives in your balance sheet to be happy today?
On an other note, it is a good post for the reason that it is not easy to summarize three decades in a singe post :-)
Sribbler:
7 more ?!!! Please...if you have to curse, curse for the opposite !
Sourav:
Build a Taj Mahal ! Boss, did I give out the impression that I am stupid ? I hope not. If I had that amount of money, I would squander it on myself and NOT leave a single penny around.
Mustaf:
Yes. There are more positives than negatives in the sheet. But yet, there is hardly happiness. I have no idea how that is gonna be answered. If not, this will be added to the list of many questions to which I can never have an answer.
And summarizing was always my forte! :)
Hirok,
Just could not help myself commenting once more:-)
If there is more positive than negative, then it is you worked for it and achieved it, GOD hasn't given you correct (GOD part is just a joke, for people like you :-P). Now, if you have worked for something and that is not giving you happiness, don't you think there is scope for introspection?
The dilemma or the confusion you are going through, I think it is most common today. We have everything, but where is the bloody happiness!! I am not going to give a Gyan session here, but srsly wish that you get your answer soon, and this wish is not a fake one :-P
tees saal ka ho gaya uncle? :P
and the secret to happiness is to be ambitious and contented at the same time...
Mustaf:
Not a joke, just an illusion.
SRK:
Now, THATs an interesting thought! Worth pondering, I must say.
3 decades:).Congratulations on achieving yet another milestone(and this one you'll do just once in your life!).Why do you hate buddays btw?
BTW this is a *better* post. You could however occassionally maybe,have 'slightly happier' insights, couldn't you? - my 2cents
Had you been content by now you would no longer have the urge to live the next three decades...so it is kind of necessary to be not satisfied!
oh gawd please let me be one of his girlfriends... ! then what a ripe old man i must have loved :D
R
Debi:
I don't HATE birthdays. I just dont understand why THAT particular day is so special.
My insights are based on experience. And there is a fair share of happiness and unhappiness in them. Or so I think.
Tanima:
Frankly, I do not lust for life as I used to earlier. I am alive only because I am far too educated to commit suicide.
Dont take that to be a cynical comment because if you do, then my question to you would be "Why are you alive - what for?"
R:
Err...who are you ?
Really Hirok, I cannot suppress the glee and I bet neither can Manini, Roushni and all the other 'girlfriends' reading this! :) Who else in this wide world will ALWAYS criticise you, even when you clearly want nothing to do with us, or tell you that what you have is actually worth being happy for than feeling frustrated over, and that people DO like you the way you are, even if it surprises you so much!
I won't pick on this post anymore. I'll just go and celebrate this little victory :) P
P:
Yeah, yeah...laugh yourself to glory...now is your time :)
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