Thursday, September 27, 2007


I do not know why I suddenly break into a smile out of nowhere in a clear electric blue sky. I guess the electrical impulses in my brain have started its tricks. Or is it the heart?

I have not an iota of an idea in this goddamn world why I feel exhilarated without any substantial achievement both professionally or personally. Is it you?

Why do I want to play, play music, create symphony out of cacophony, feel a pulse which makes me lose control of my feet in the surreal illusionary world of Bach and Mozart?

What have you done to me that I feel that THIS is life. That it can actually last more than a lifetime. That in its sheer, utter uselessness it is unbearably useful?

I am lost, and I want to be found, not by you, but by myself for only through myself can I be you, with you, for you. Is THAT called hide and seek?

Why is everyone talking to me, even those who would maintain a harsh stony silence when I used to ask them the 'why' and the 'how' or more importantly the 'when'? Why are they looking at me in all their glory gleefully mocking me in jest and with that "I-told-you-so" attitude? And why am I not feeling irritated or skeptical about it?

Where has my pragmatism vanished, who has called my senses, in which street of paradise can it be found, if at all?

Why have you taken me from myself when you know I cannot afford it, not again, or did you do this only to prove that I can? That actually I - can.

How the hell am I supposed to explain to my ever-critical mind that my heart says that there is no tomorrow, that what lasts is today.

And today, you are all that matters.