Yeah, I am so happy that my parents screwed 9 months 9 days before this day as a result of which I have been exposed to the wonderful drudgeries of the gift called 'life' and every year I am expected to spend money treating friends just to be reminded that I have slowly but surely taken one more step towards the grave.
Congratulations ! (On marriage)
This is a classical case where people actually think that it is the best day of their lives. Because the society formally accepts you and your partner and gives their consent to start the process of procreation for the survival of the human race. On top of it, you spend a fortune living up to the standards of marriage set up by society again. Moreover, you have to look at your brilliant best - unmindful of the fact that if you look like shit, there isn't much you can do about it except look like an adorned better shit ! I am discounting the constant negative cash flow which you are going to incur for the rest of your lives. For what?
Congratulations ! (On attaining parenthood)
YESSSSSSSSSS ! I have finally proved to the world that I am able bodied. Not only that, I have again performed up to the expectations of the world at large and saved the mankind from possible extinction.
Celebration of the fact that we have stayed together for 'x' number of years without cutting each other to pieces. So, again I spend more money, first on each other, mouthing mushy romantics and then on friends showing them a glimpse of our lives seeped in love.
Thank You (On attending marriages)
Whats so big and significant about attending a marriage ? I mean, I know its a special day in your life and I am truly happy for it. But if I cannot make it, well, then I cannot. Anyways, the betrothal of the bride does not depend on me ! Again, to attend your marriage, I get to spend, first on air tickets and then on brainstorming to figure out what gift would be ideal for you to remember me. As if, that would be the only thing for which you will remember me ! If it is, then please don't bother. Just throw me away at the nearest trash can. Anyways, your remembering me hardly makes my life any easier.
So in all of the cases, whenever you are happy or you feel that you are happy, you have to spend money. And in buckets. Because nowadays, happiness is measured in buckets.
Disclaimer: Not intended for anyone in particular. General thoughts.