Thursday, June 29, 2006

Sense Out Of Nonsense

Today is a perfect day.

Actually a kind of day which has all the ingredients of a brilliant pot-boiler. A bit of fun and frolic, a little of utter laziness and finally a touch of tragedy. Everything apart
from a dose of romance - which would have made the picture complete or sullied ! (Depending on which side you are on)

The day started at practically the stroke of twelve. I woke up with a dream, a bad one, (seldom do i have good, sweet, sexy dreams); then went for a wonderful lunch - something which i did not have for a month and a half now; came back and tried my hand at Spanish - a language I am learning (i dont know why, just like many other things) and by evening it seemed to be a day where nothing, nothing can go wrong.

But, as they say, life has other plans. (Or should it be 'death' has other plans ?)

The turning point, the pivotal point in this movie that I am acting in, came at this specific juncture when I was just getting geared up for a dinner party. One nice phone call giving me the news that my friend was no more. For a moment, I did not even realize what it meant. There are two moments which I will never forget in my lifetime even if I am afflicted with Parkinson's or Alzheimer's and unfortunately they are both associated with death. This is the second one.

I pride myself on being able to 'take' in anything with minimum amount of fuss and even less amount of surprise - but I have to admit, today was not my day. To quote one of my friend "someone,somewhere had rolled a dice". And what a shot ! I guess its moments like these which prompt you to ask those eternal, profound "wh" questions.

As I was straddling with a blurred confusion, I had managed to call an amazingly wide spectrum of people to check the veracity of the news, thinking that there might be a mistake, there might still be hope. Ironically, this is possibly the only time in life when we want to be proved wrong and would be happy to be. But Mr. Murphy plays the good old sportsman here as well - he does not oblige.

By this time, around an hour and half has passed, and I am well into the dinner party and am feeling stranger by the minute. I am completely out of the party and trying to piece together all of what happened in the past two hours. In hindsight, as I write this, I understand that the 'dice' was played once before as well - before the start of the game - when this dinner was fixed ! And now I am back to my room. The day is over.

I appreciate dark humour very much, but am still not getting the sense out of this whole episode. Is it because of the 60 ml of vodka which I had after ages ?

I would love to believe so. But am not so sure !

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

A Bunch Of Memories

I don't want you to say sorry because I know you are

I don't want you to think of me because you anyway wouldn't

I don't want you to thank me because whatever I did, I did for my selfish reasons

I don't want you to love me because I know that you are not capable enough

I don't want you to talk to me since we would not know where to start

I don't want you to forgive me because I do not ask for it - whatever I did, I did it to hurt you

I don't want you to think that I will be there, because I wouldn't

I don't want you to believe that I was good, I wasn't - what you saw was just a facade

I don't want you to think that I am honest - honestly, I am a hypocrite

I don't want you to believe half the things I said, they were just said and nothing more

I don't want you to share your dreams with me - I cannot build them anyway

All I have is one slice of the sky, a chunk of the rasping wind, a whiff of icy water, a gush of fire and a bunch of memories !! And thats enough...

Thursday, June 15, 2006

How would it be ?

How would it be to write a book which no one would want to read?

How would it be to make a movie which only one would appreciate or understand?

How would it be to love somebody without her loving you back?

How would it be to sing a tuneless song which speaks by itself and no one responds?

How would it be if all of the above questions are answered in the affirmative ?!!

How would it be to have a dagger plunged at your heart and twisted slowly?

How would it be to rape whom you love the most and yet be loved?

How would it be to have the winds lash at your face - slapping you for all you have done?

How would it be to stand and wait and wait and wait till u get tired?

How would it be to fight for someone only to be betrayed at the end?

How would it be to lose everything you have yet feel secure?

As the song goes "The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind...."

Sunday, June 11, 2006

MBA or Post Operative Diagnosis Course ?

Its funny how we are in awe of something TILL the point we experience it.

I was never good in acads - its just that some things clicked at the right moments. Precisely, courtesy one of these moments I landed up @ SPJIMR
(Now, if u ask me what is that, then i can conclusively prove two things - one, you are not an MBA aspirant and two, there is still hope for you !)

I had this great idea about this MBA thing - ahhh, here is one course which is going to give me a 'holistic' education 'integrating' the different aspects of the business world intertwining the 'strategic' options of each 'vertical' as per their 'competitive advantages'. (Phew !! Yippeee !! I HAVE finally become an MBA - THIS is what I paid the 3.5 lacs for)

Now, there is no doubt about the utility of the course structure in a B-school. Thats all fine. But if you are to ask me "What have you learnt in the one year?" - Boy, I would be stumped and way off the crease !

What did I LEARN ??

Now, wait, where did this come from ? What learning ? I would have done a PhD if I wanted to LEARN ! Lets talk about salaries - thats what we are here for.

The fact is you don't learn in a B-school. It is a course which informs you about all the business cases which have been mostly successful, to let you be aware of the possible 'moments of truth' that they went through, so that in the unlikely event of you being exactly in the same position in a company where you will handle an important 'portfolio' you will be able to take the same decision without a moment's consideration. ( How about realism - thats what yyou are thinking, right ?)

Obviously, they don't teach you about failures (some do, but then there always are exceptions) Why ? Ahh, ridiculous it may sound but actually overheard that its all about being successful in life !! As if keeping my eyes shut will make the sun go away !

Coming back to the point - on the basis of what we learn we are incapable of taking and backing a decision, we cannot predict with any degree of certainty about anything, we are NOT encouraged to think differently (did I hear Marketing ?), we dress up exactly in the same way for the 'customers' to 'take' us on the D-Day and most importantly speak and talk exactly in the same language !

So why shouldn't I call this course - this 2 year crappy thing a Post Operative Diagnosis Course ? Its like I am trying to rectify a problem 105 years (see, thats what they taught me in Marketing - to use unusual numbers - apparently it lends credibility! ) after it HAS already being solved.

So, what's the point ?

The point is that all said & done MBA is a good crash course for which you pay a helluva lot to earn a helluva lot - there are no LEARNINGS only EARNINGS !

p.s: Someday, I would want to find out why a company gives us the salary which we seem to deserve !! That would be my corporate 'project'.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

What is interesting about you ?

This is a question which has bothered me time and again. Really, when some absolutely moronic professor, or a MBA smart-ass in HR from some high-sounding big-shot organization asks me this stupid question - i sometimes feel i should reply back saying "I am the most boring person I have ever seen, there's nothing interesting about me!"

I try to live under no illusions, and for the last 3 years to my utter dismay I can claim with some degree of confidence that I know myself pretty well-enough and from that I have not been able to pin-point what is interesting about me. In fact, the truth is that there is nothing ! But there are many things that interests

I get interested when someone stands up for something against great opposition and takes the fight to the other side

I get a kick when I see that there still are people who believe in supporting what's right even though it may be commercially unviable

It interests me immensely when an European nation observes an anti-pollution day and not one single citizen takes out a car

I love it when really insignificant people stick it up to the powers that be

It gives me goosebumps to think that a movie can spark of a revolution

Barcelona and its people - isn't it marvellous to know that there still exists such places in the world who would not 'sell' what they love ?

My heart skips a beat everytime I see a Ganguly cover-drive or a Lara bashing or a rearguard Steven

I feel weak in the knees when someone whom I had not attached much importance to considers my opinion to be important and makes me feel special

I guess thats about it. Now, would you call this an interesting person ? I would not - on the contrary I would surely think that this is exactly a kind of person who would transform a perfectly well-lit, bright, brilliant day to a disaster, one who would philosphize, patronize at each and every conceivable opportunity - a perfect hypocrite knowing fully well that he does not have the guts to carry out what he believes in !

The opinion is for you to form and may it be closer to the truth !