Play It Safe

The phenomenon is typically an Indian one,more so a Bengali one. And it sucks ! Big time. The concept is called "play it safe". The manifestation of this concept finds expression in various spheres of life - some mundane, some exciting, some insipid while some bordering on the horizon of incredulity and utter stupidity.

These are the following scenes that are typically enacted in practically 999 out of 1000 households. Till the time I was cocooned in the comfort of my dear city Kolkata, I had presumed that this was a purely Bengali concept only to be fooled later on in life.

1. Post Board Exams - Choice of Stream

Only in India, does this ridiculous idea of choosing one's career exist. And once done, it is irrevocable. Considering this context, for someone, who knows not what his calling in life is, the safe choice is to go for science. "Beta engineer banega..."

The alacrity by which this decision is reached and the analysis that precedes it will put any McK consultant to shame. It is entirely inconsequential that the person under consideration might not be suitable for science, might have literary skills which if nurtured could be capable of creating something more worthwhile than computer programs later in life. So, "play it safe", do your engineering, get a job, get a life.

2. Post 12th - Computer Science

Of course, if you are an engineer, you HAVE to be a computer engineer. Again, it is irrelevant whether the engineering college does not have a building or a space to sit, or even a computer!

And going by the reaction of India's educated elite, who have their own prism to look at life, condascending in their attitude, patronizing any or everyone who do not conform to their opinions, all other streams of engineering are, well, unmentionable. In all their glee and superfluous concern they would enquire about your son and what is he doing and how well their son is placed and if you happen to exude their same level of nonchalance in mentioning that your son is a Mechanical or a Chemical engineer, you had it. You would be diagnosed with a severe disease of non-conformance to societal benefit and wastage of intellectual prowess depriving mother India of a worthy contributor to the GDP of the nation !

So, "play it safe". Be a Computer Science engineer in a college without a computer, and if you do happen to get your hands on a machine, start churning out Tower Of Hanoi programs, brace yourself, convince yourself that in a few years time you would be part of the most educated labour force in the world. And do tell yourself and all others around you - "I am an IT Consultant, I work for a company driven by values and which looks beyond the obvious and powered by intellect!". As if all others are not.

3. Do an MBA

In about ten year's time, when there would be as many B-schools as there are engineering colleges now, those three letters would invoke the same kind of adulation from the society and equally intense smirk from some exceptions.

Ask any TDH why they want to do an MBA and after you have worked through the maze of "holistic perspective, cross-functional expertise, understanding business, synergies of past,present and future competencies and leverage" kind of answers you will realize that those words are just instruments to camoflage their inherent confused state. When will we ever hear someone say in an interview "Am doin it for money, you know. All work is shit work and if I have to do shit work, I would rather get paid more and do shit work".

Ohh, by the way, these kind of responses would ensure that you are not considered for further selection in case you are applying to institutes which try to blend eastern ethos and western efficiency - whatever that means ! (Shit !I AM an MBA!)

4. Placements @ MBA

Focussed Candidate: "Yaar, mujhe BFSI(Banking, Insurance, Financial Services - for the uninitiated) mein jana hain"
Placement Committee Member: "Tera experience kis domain mein hain?"
Focussed Candidate:"Pharmaceuticals!"

I guess this sums it up. Now, you know why placement committee members become slightly eccentric, little cagey and more so fiercely risk-averse. Such archaic mindset on part of candidates is one of the reasons why in spite of a booming economy and obscene salaries placement committees refuse to do anything different. "Boss, agar sab place nahin hua to?"

If you are a wannabe MBA, and by a magical illusion want to do something outlandish (like not go to BFSI!!) then try to talk to your senior placement guys. If you even get a hint of that statement then, think again. Insecurity is self-mutative, self-procreative. Be assured that there would not be any change in that mindset. Like Vedas, this theory will be propagted through ages by the sages from one batch to another. But you cannot blame them. After all, there would always be that critical mass who would want to go to BFSI.

4. Marriage - What?!! Marry a non-Brahmin ??!

Yep, non-brahmins, non-bengalis, non-tamilians, basically non-you - they are untouchables. Come on, you know they might bite - who knows ? And maybe at the wrong times, at the wrong places ?!!

So you are a racist ?
What crap ! Me ? A racist ?! I am a firm believer in equality of all races except that I dont want my son to marry a non-me. I have voiced my strongest criticism for Jade Goody (I hope I got the name correct. If not Shilpa, please help) when they called Shilpa a fu**ing dog.

Of course, racism is only restricted to absence or presence of pigments and not to absence of threads ! So, "play it safe". Marry a girl from your own clan. At least, they don't bite.

Hopefully.