Things I Miss

1. My unquenched lust for life

Those were the days. Though nothing has changed except a few more years on my resume, very strangely enough I had never questioned my existence. Living was unadulterated fun. With the usual baggages of complicated, intense friendships, of jilted lovers, of heartbreaks at being ignored or less attended to by people who seemed to be the world then and the certainty of thought which never accepted that this would not last.

Never did the question pop up "Why should I wake up tomorrow morning, what for?" Living was part of life.

2. My illicit relationship with Kishore, Asha and Lata

Yes. Them. Those singers. There was not a day I spent without being drowned in the intoxicating voices of these people. It seemed almost all the songs that they have sung were a reflection of my life. As if they were written for me. I was the audience they had in mind, when they sung it.

a. Pal Pal Dil Ke Paas
b. Rula Ke Gaya Sapna
c. Tere Bina Jiya Jaye Na
d. Tujhse Naraaz Nahin Zindagi
e. Yeh Duniya Agar Mil Bhi Jaye
f. Bhanware Ki Gunjan
g. Baadi Sooni Sooni Hain
h. Tum Pukar Lo
i. Hain Apna Dil To Awara
j. Kahin Bekhayal Hokar

If I could have written any one of those songs or sung them, I think I could not have really asked for anything more in life. Every song, every emotion has a time and all through the years at some time or the other one of these were my life.

3. School

I don't need the money. (Actually, I do) Just give me a slice of that life I had, for all of thirteen years, and I am willing to give you all the collected movies, books, cassettes - any damn precious thing I have.

I have not been there for the past 6-7 years, yet, I can remember everything that has happened out there which had left indelible marks in my life. It is such a draining experience, so rich in content, so riveting in emotion that the mere thought of those moments fills me with a sense of nostalgia.

4. Jadavpur University

The only place which has given me much more than I have. When it comes to JU, there are only two kinds of memories I have - very good ones and excellent ones. I was fortunate enough to have practically all of my school friends with me out there. Yet, those of whom I picked up there, I suspect, could turn out to be some of the sweetest ones I can have over my lifetime.

5. SPJain

I frankly did not enjoy the first two months. In a B-school, time is at such a premium that it is very difficult to know people the way it is required to be known.

If in life, I never get to feel unsure about myself or lose my confidence or my ability to break out of my comfort zone and venture out into unexplored areas, I have to attribute it to this place.

Finally, all places are about people. I have never realized how it happens - that I have met so many brilliant people everywhere. And I am even more surprised that they would value in me to have remained friends since. But I guess, that is due. Things do get compensated one way or the other. You win some, and you lose some. I have lost my life, but picked up some priceless things on the way. Cheers to that !