I met her for the first time when I was eight. She called. To say 'hello'.And she had me at hello. Every morning after that for the next seven years, I would meet her and wonder in awe and amazement.How could someone be so pristine and so beautiful ? My days would be made by her smile, her attention. I was smitten.
I don't know whether it was love or infatuation or a crush. But I so wanted to be with her all the time. Coming to think of it, till today, I think she was the only person who had some degree of control over me without acting pricey. We were great friends, we still are and we will be. But I could never tell her in all those years what she meant to me - the stakes were very very high. I did finally tell her, of course. And I knew it would be quite useless. Or so I thought.
Eventually when the moment came, and it did, I, true to the trend of my life, let it go, opening up a plethora of 'what-ifs' and 'maybes'. At a later point of time, I guess, we both realized what we missed.
What we have for each other today can never be counted as love. I am not sure whether there exists in English a word that could describe it. And we do not even feel the need to. Its pure, its honest and its beautiful.
She never knew it and neither did I for a very long time that our dreams were the same and so were our aspirations and so were our feelings for each other. Today, it does not matter. We will, in all likelihood, live those dreams individually with different people without regret, without remorse, with love and with an assurance that we did exist for each other many years back.
Maybe just for a fleeting second. But we did.
9 comments:
1. What's with all this confessional posts? first 25 things, now this...
2. I have nothing against saffron, but this background kinda makes it difficult to read...
3. As for the post itself, beautiful!
Vijay:
1. Nothing. Just thought that it needs to be written down. Should be a good read 5 years hence.
2. Is it ? THAT is a serious feedback.
3. Thanks
Five Year Plan for a blog post???
You are truly living up to your socialist credentials, comrade :P
What's the problem, man? Why live the rest of your lives with different people? Stop being silly, ok?
very touching post...kind of drew me into it..for a moment there..even i was wondering "what if" with the two of you..
Vijay:
The true test of any creation is whether it invokes feelings to the same degree even with time. Most of the times, I do not like reading what I have written after some time. It loses its relevance and also the feeling. If 5 years later I read something I have written today and I still feel good reading it, I would think it worth. The aspiration is to always write something of that quality.
Anupama and Snake:
I think I need to make one thing clear which I have not in the post. She is married now, and I believe, very happily so. And we never did actually were together explicitly. If you read the post again, you will see that almost all statements have a 'maybe' or 'what if' element to it.
hmm...i got that even when i wrote the first coment....hence my stress on what if in the comment..
Beautifully written Spiderman. Truly Classy!
Hemant:
Thanks :)
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