An Interesting Year

What started as a year of melancholia finally turned out to be a very interesting one. One of my best friend got married. Consequently, it pulled the curtains on the one and half years we shared a flat. Since our disposition was eerily similar, both being of the laziest sort, we had an amazing time. Staying with friends is such fun.

Then came the months of serious introspection. One of despairing boredom, of steady restlessnes, of getting sucked in to the finality of a job which allowed my brains to rust in its stupendous glory. In the midst of this, happened the trip to Lahaul, Spiti and Chandrataal. I am thankful that I made the decision to go on that trip within a span of 2 hours. It surely is the best place I have been to so far in my life.

August was a month which was unkind. I realized I spent three decades on this earth without anything to show for it. And suffered the first bout of a mid-life crisis even before I reached it ! At the onset of September, things started getting brighter. Joined a job, where I met new people, new perspectives and the brain was put to use after a very long time. Felt, I belonged.

And then, surreptitiously, almost imperceptibly came an email, which as I realize now, was the
first corner my life was about to turn. Initially, as is the case with me, skepticism ruled the roost. Some phone calls later, I sometimes felt like asking myself the question which I have been asking for quite some time then - "was this it?" But then, experience in its wisdom, had taught me to brush aside such thoughts. You don't score till you have scored.

November and December were at the very least, interesting, which actually colours the entire landscape of 2009 and tilts it to such an extent that the earlier memories fade into inconsequence.

It was in November that I met her.

We spent a day discussing dreams and life and feeling comfortable in our own space. There was a flow, a certain sense of fluidity and then the question kept coming back. By the end of the week, I knew I was getting into serious trouble again.

I had vouched that I would never be in a position where I have committed myself to play the stroke only to get caught at the last moment. But then, life has other plans. In spite of all my inclinations to hold back, I just could not. Just went with what I wanted to do. Being in different cities just added to the spice. Never before in a single month have I gone through such a plethora of emotions. One of upheaval, at times bitterness, moments of pure joy, moments of total disregard for the repercussions my actions were to cause and yes, of course, of hope. I said things, which I myself could not believe I could. I almost invariably found the right words to express exactly what I felt.

It was in December when winter felt like spring. Warm, sunny, bright and glorious.

I have no idea what lies in store in life. Whether ours will be like Richard and Francesca or Robert and Francesca. But for the first time, I truly feel alive. Wanting the next day to come with all its anticipation, its unexpectedness, its possibilities. Wanting it to be not just another day where I mark off my attendance but a day where I smiled without a reason, where I heard another - without a reason and understanding fully what John Nash meant when he said "It is in the mysterious equations of love that you find all the reasons of logic"

Goodbye 2009 ! Welcome 2010 !

Ah ! Finally...

Why is it that I feel that this makes everything right? Everything. All of that I have been through, all of those small battles which I lost and those big ones I did not win.

Why is it that I am not scared but excited about something I do not even have an iota of an idea but assured of the outcome?

And why on fucking earth do I keep on smiling for no rhyme or reason staring into blank space, thinking of nothing, just, just feeling happy? Idiotic.