Life is unfair. Life is unjust. Life also has a way of balancing out the positives and the negatives. Sometimes, it becomes so arduous a task, that living itself is a cumbersome process. But, if you are to ruminate on a leisurely evening all by yourself and try to figure out whether life has been kind to you, the answers might throw you off-balance - completely.
This post is a product of such a ruminating and illuminating evening.
I have heard this many a time that we take the very obvious things for granted in life. We do. Like having the privilege of access to a sound education. Having the resources to pursue your dreams. Having a support system in the form of our parents. Almost getting everything that we have aspired for. Maybe not in time but eventually.
We forget that the absence of any one of them might create a situation which could have hampered and altered the course of our lives beyond imagination. We are not expected to win always. We should not. Or rather we cannot.
There are 2 ways of looking at our present state. What could have been if we were born in a better situation and likewise what could have been if we were born to the opposite? Just the harrowing prospect of the negatives of one compared to the opulence and comfort of the other will lead us to the conclusion that we are not that worse off in life.
So, when we think of our seeming failures or unsucessful attempts at many things in life which seem to be futile now, we curse our inability to make it happen. For we have in many cases seen people, who we think are undeserving, to have nearly got away with everything in life. The fallacy of the argument lies in the fact that we are no one to judge whether they are undeserving or deserving or whether what they have is what they wanted in life. Even if they did want and get them, it is only probabilistic that such aberrations will occur.
We should, ideally, judge by what makes us happy. More often, we judge ourselves by our peers. And even more, by the standards or parameters of success which our ever beloved society has ingrained in us. Owning a house, a car and a beautiful wife to name a few and in that order!A good life does not necessitate any of the above.
As typical humans we should try to find someone to shift the blame upon and crucify him. Once that is done and we have had our conscience satiated, we can safely go home thinking we have solved the problem, hardly realizing that we have only had a brush with the symptoms. Like all problems, the problem with aspirations, starts with the upbringing. Once you teach the child to work around the system and ask him to perform at every level, with minor considerations for what he wants, you have sown the seeds of near maniacal competitive spirit which stinks of a rat race.
The only thing we can and should teach our children would be the value of freedom and to be responsible for the consequences of the choices they make. For that, we first need to respect their choice. For that to happen, we first need to respect our own. For that, we have to have a liberal and fearless mind. And therein lies the problem. We are so sucked in, we are so self-congratulatory, we are so obsessed with being 'successful' that we are almost paranoid of failure. We do not provide for sufficient leeway for our children to fail for we know that in the final analysis it is going to hurt us more.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
The Question of Identity
One of the questions which haunt us all through our formative years would be "Who am I?" I have seen people do all sorts of things to establish that. It makes for amazing study of the psychology of human beings. I have always been fascinated by the people around me. Just by being with them, following every action of theirs gave me a glimpse of what they are going through, what is bothering them and what makes them.
Trying not to be judgmental, I will put forth some of them which has intrigued me and still continues to do so and of course, what I think about them.
Academic Brilliance
This is actually a disease. A typically myopic, conservative, elitist aspiration. If we cannot be judged by how we look (though in reality, we are), why should we be judged on how intelligent we are? If I had the choice, believe me, I would look like Gregory Peck and be as intelligent as Einstein or even Dawkins. Some of my friends were simply paranoid about how they fared in an exam. And if it did not meet up with their expectations, it would be a shattering experience. Not because it would close certain doors where they would have liked to knock on, but because it puts their identity in question. Now, how ridiculous could that be ?!
Professional Excellence
Excellence in any form ought to be appreciated and applauded. But the extent to which people can harp on their outstanding performance and appraisal ratings, is to be heard to be believed. Frankly, I doubt whether anyone wants to hear how good you are at what you are doing. Its of the least consequence to mankind until and unless you are researching on the next HIV drug or the next nano-bomb. You are making money, and all of your energies and focus are in ensuring that you continue to make more of it. Just don't make a marketing project out of it and prove it to the world at large that you count. You do, by just as much as you would have, if you did not have a job.
Looking Ravishing
I must confess that I am biased towards this. I mean, who does not want to look at beautiful women? I have heard people say that beauty is subjective. Which is of course, a whole load of crap. And wonder of all wonders, this line is generally taken by the ugly ducklings. Talk of self-consolatory statements and there is no better example than this. We look the way we look. We cannot do anything about it. YOU KNOW whether you are beautiful or ugly. And hardly anything can change that. Except maybe, being in love. Which in a weird sort of way, makes everyone beautiful. But for people, who base their identity on how they look and I have had the privilege to be associated with some of them, theirs is a lot to be pitied. They are visually delightful but intellectually bankrupt.
Rebel Without a Cause
The most natural method of getting yourself be known. Do things which are disapproved by all and you get instant recognition. Plus - a lot of girlfriends. Transient - Yes. But at 14, who cares ? The problem occurs if you stretch it too far or start too late. For you to sustain it, you have to be a near genius. And genius, misdirected or aimless, can wreak havoc. Read this and tell me what you make out of it. Because I still don't know if living for oneself is the best way to extract the maximum out of life.
My Take
How would I like someone to establish his identity? I don't know. But over the years people who have followed these traits listed below are the ones whom I have come to respect and admire and I guess this is what I would appreciate most:
1. Being honest to yourself
2. Respect and compassion for all human beings just because
3. Pursuit of excellence without a loudspeaker
Trying not to be judgmental, I will put forth some of them which has intrigued me and still continues to do so and of course, what I think about them.
Academic Brilliance
This is actually a disease. A typically myopic, conservative, elitist aspiration. If we cannot be judged by how we look (though in reality, we are), why should we be judged on how intelligent we are? If I had the choice, believe me, I would look like Gregory Peck and be as intelligent as Einstein or even Dawkins. Some of my friends were simply paranoid about how they fared in an exam. And if it did not meet up with their expectations, it would be a shattering experience. Not because it would close certain doors where they would have liked to knock on, but because it puts their identity in question. Now, how ridiculous could that be ?!
Professional Excellence
Excellence in any form ought to be appreciated and applauded. But the extent to which people can harp on their outstanding performance and appraisal ratings, is to be heard to be believed. Frankly, I doubt whether anyone wants to hear how good you are at what you are doing. Its of the least consequence to mankind until and unless you are researching on the next HIV drug or the next nano-bomb. You are making money, and all of your energies and focus are in ensuring that you continue to make more of it. Just don't make a marketing project out of it and prove it to the world at large that you count. You do, by just as much as you would have, if you did not have a job.
Looking Ravishing
I must confess that I am biased towards this. I mean, who does not want to look at beautiful women? I have heard people say that beauty is subjective. Which is of course, a whole load of crap. And wonder of all wonders, this line is generally taken by the ugly ducklings. Talk of self-consolatory statements and there is no better example than this. We look the way we look. We cannot do anything about it. YOU KNOW whether you are beautiful or ugly. And hardly anything can change that. Except maybe, being in love. Which in a weird sort of way, makes everyone beautiful. But for people, who base their identity on how they look and I have had the privilege to be associated with some of them, theirs is a lot to be pitied. They are visually delightful but intellectually bankrupt.
Rebel Without a Cause
The most natural method of getting yourself be known. Do things which are disapproved by all and you get instant recognition. Plus - a lot of girlfriends. Transient - Yes. But at 14, who cares ? The problem occurs if you stretch it too far or start too late. For you to sustain it, you have to be a near genius. And genius, misdirected or aimless, can wreak havoc. Read this and tell me what you make out of it. Because I still don't know if living for oneself is the best way to extract the maximum out of life.
My Take
How would I like someone to establish his identity? I don't know. But over the years people who have followed these traits listed below are the ones whom I have come to respect and admire and I guess this is what I would appreciate most:
1. Being honest to yourself
2. Respect and compassion for all human beings just because
3. Pursuit of excellence without a loudspeaker
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