Thursday, January 24, 2008

Matrimonial Skirmishes - Part 2

My partner should be understanding, good-looking, tall, dignified, professionally well-settled, caring, honest and possessing a good sense of humour! (Someone please give her a thesaurus - at this rate she will run out of adjectives!)

Now, lets get to the requirements one by one. This is what a young woman of today wants in her partner in her words.

Understanding:
The guy has to be understanding - in the sense that he must know when to shell out the bucks for shopping, implicitly know when my mood is off for something which has happened 15 days ago and which at that point seemed completely immaterial and was safely consigned to history.

Good-Looking:
Nothing short of Leonardo Di Caprio would do. A George Clooney - ok, worthy of consideration for a full, attentive five minutes but for a Matt Damon - just a casual shrug. What the hell - can't I even have a Di Caprio?! Of course, madame, for that you need to be at least Julia Roberts!

Tall:
Six feet. 5'11" ?!!! You got to be kidding. So what if I am barely 5', can't I even aspire for a tall handsome bloke inspite of compromising for a Matt Damon?!

Dignified:
Basically, he should never tell me he loves me. I mean, he should tell me but not in words. You can't be too obvious about something as precious as love. And he should stand up for his own when we are at loggerheads but he should at the same time finally do what I want. I can't seem to understand why THAT is so difficult.

Professionally well-settled:
What?!!! He does not even earn a million bucks a year? (relax, in Indian currency terms - c'mon they are not inconsiderate!!) How on earth are we supposed to live with less than that? And he does not have the opportunity to go abroad?!! Does he work at all?

Caring:
He must tell me whether purplish-olive green suits me more than magenta-orange when we go out for shopping. And don't tell me he prefers not to come for shopping ! Thats like depriving oneself of the most exhilarating, intellectually satisfying, orgasmic pleasure known to mankind. AND he must have a ready database about the number of shoes I own, the number of handbags and laud me for not buying the 25th pair of either one last Monday!

Honest:
He should always speak the truth. There is only one truth - I am the only woman he looks at, I am the sole reason for his existence and whatever be the time of the day I look ravishingly beautiful. Any other opinion would be construed as a blatant disregard for my sentiments which would render him to be insensitive and hence un-caring.

Good Sense of Humour:
He should make me laugh. Apparently, that is the only thing a woman wants (Read this). Looks like all women are paid a royalty by marketing companies for popularizing Khushwant Singh's jokebook.

All you bachelors with no girlfriends or with no possibility of having one - well, resign yourself to fate and to the basic tenet of Hinduism - that of nirvana. There is only one slogan for you - "Sab Maya Hain". And before your mind wanders off, Maya is not a girl I am talking about!

11 comments:

Sayani said...

That was very amusing...although perhaps it wasn't really meant to be!! Well..I read both the parts...and I can kind of relate more to what you chatted about today, and to the mood that was reflected thereby.

Well...women are difficult...I agree...I almost agree to most of the interpretations you've made in this post[barring a few...but arguments are not relevant here]. We can be pretty demanding[especially emotionally]! But then...that is something that's never going to change, believe me...not during selection of the groom, not even after marriage. So if you're really considering getting married...you should start getting used to these as early as possible!! And to be very positive...aleast a part of these "matrimonial skirmishes" is preparing you for times yet to come...and making you better-equipped to face the post marital woes! Now isn't that something that should really cheer you up???!!! ;-)

spiderman! said...

Sayani:

That was one hell of a comment, I must say! And at the risk of sounding like a MCP, THAT was very un-womanish!

I guess everything has a silver lining. Maybe, all of these would someday add up to something meaningful !

SRK said...

dude, u r beginnin to sound like Rahul Bose in PKSE...

u left out one important criteria i guess... Family status... Ash to Baby AB, Preity to Wadia, Kareena to Jr. Nawab... so, even if u look like a Titanic star, or earn a million bucks, it might not help...

thankfully, i hv got some years to go before i begin my misussadventures... and if every woman starts demanding a 5'11'' DiCaprio look alike, then I'll join the 'doomed to be single community'...

the only hope is tht I trust my PJs to be worse than Khushwant's...

SRK said...

or mebbe the next time a gal demands a DiCaprio, we shud tell her to strip off so that we may sketch her :))

spiderman! said...

Aha ! I like the 2nd option better! Way to go SRK ! ;))

Stambhit said...

Well..Well..Well.. !!
I sometimes thought that we have a few more days b4 most of the guys in India are stereotyped as misogynist, but it seems we are accelerating.
Now, not that I am not in line with what the post describes (in fact, am more than in line with this), but somehow, you need to keep surviving..
I always wonder, if everything which is not so easily available should be abundant among boys then what the #(#%#% are women for ??
You need to be selective using adjectives in front of them, u need to be utmost honest except that u can't tell the truth which might offend them and should always anticipate everything. If only people could anticipate such weird moves world would have been filled with Jonties..
Somehow, I feel women in India have gone through extremes, be it in violence or pampering.
Ash's one was a masterstroke..With one single work she managed to secure everything about her present and future, but not so sure about AB Jr. :D

And for SRK...Pls remember tht not every gal is a KW!.. But going by ur reaction, I am more interested in looking at the drawing dude..

Anonymous said...

For someone who claims not to have been in a relationship ever, this is definitely gr8 stuff.

Well..even if the woman is not a Julia Roberts and she wont settle for anythng less than a DiCaprio, you can't ever say that on her face. Then you would forever be termed as someone who doesnt value inner beauties.
The problem is not with the conditions. Everyone has their right to have their own set of rules for choosing their partner or anything else. They should not be answerable to anyone because of that. But the problem is with the hypocrisy of denying that.It's like 'I dont have any conditions as long as the guy is nice..but hello, this much to I can expect na?..'... and then 'this much' goes on...:-)
Though to be very fair, matrimony has more often than not been just a glorified case of checkbox ticking since long. Its just that women these days have more checkboxes to tick than us. I, for one, don't have any checkboxes at all as long as it's an Audrey Hepburn ;-)

spiderman! said...

Anon:

I guess you must have your reasons for being anonymous, though I would have preferred a name surely.

Yeah, me would also anyday settle for Audrey or Catherine (Hepburn and not Zeta-Jones). But I know my limitations, so Sushmita Sen would just be fine ! :)

Gaurav Kumar Ambasta said...

All that is alright.... but why needlessly bring in "Hinduism". :)

ha ha ha ha... great post boss. I am a little inexperienced to comment on the content. :)

Winter said...

But what about the qualification. IIT /IIM combos. Or IIT/Ph.D combos. Or IIT/M.B.A combos. Reminds me of an uncle of mine. Got his daughter married to an IISC Ph.D holder. Told me very proudly "'I' got a lot of offers from IIM guys but then I rejected them all because I wanted to get my daughter married only to a Ph.D or a M.B.A and all the IIM guys were only Diplomas". It was fun to watch him moan when I explained PGDBM to him. :D

spiderman! said...

Ramesh:

Boss, its a given, that if you are a MBA, then you HAVE TO BE from an IIM. Is there any other B-school worth mentioning ?!!

If not, then IIT is a must! Sometimes, I wonder how other people finally get married !