Let us for the sake of political correctness call the two women 'A' and 'B'. This was about 10 years back. It is funny how incidents such as these play a significant part in shaping the emotive traits in a character.
I was supposedly in love with B. It was a time when my infamous rationality had gone for a toss. In fact, as I think back, I hardly thought. There is this manic obsession one is consumed with when one thinks one is in love. And I was no exception. 'A' was my friend. A very dear one. Someone with whom I go back a long way. 'A' and 'B' were classmates. One fine afternoon, a very fine one indeed, considering the events to follow, I got a call. From B.
"Are you free now ? Could we meet and just go around for some time ?". For a brief moment, I thought my heart would stop. Just stop. Here was I, always waiting for such a call to go out, with HER and in the web of my dreams had pictured such an outing to near perfection and lo behold, I do get one such invitation ! Who says, miracles happen only in fairytales ? I stuttered and composed myself and asked "Yeah, sure, you alone ?". The basis of the question was my earlier experiences with 'B', wherein, she would consciously avoid being with me all by herself. This, in spite of the fact, that I was hopelessly decent with women and pathetically harmless. The answer was a cryptic "Yes, who else would be there?" to which I promptly asked her to wait wherever she was and assured her that I would get there in about 10 minutes.
During this short walk to the agreed destination, I had all sorts of questions in my mind. I was so excited that I was actually amused. Amused at the effect a ridiculous 'date' could have on me. But behind all of this, lurked a sneaky feeling - "Why on earth would she suddenly call ME?" and that too after steadfastly refusing to even walk 5 metres with me ever. I reached there on time. It would not have been even a minute when out of the blue 'A' appeared, from behind with a glorious and slightly sly interesting smile. I was shocked to see her there. Then I saw B approaching from the other side of the road with a knowing sickening smile towards A.
It took a minute for it to sink in. The first thought that struck me was "Shit, they planned it!".
I do not know whether it was at that moment that I understood what having fun at the expense of someone else meant. And whether I did start appreciating emotions much more from that point on. I have thought of it many a time and have never come to a definite answer as to why one of your closest friends would do this for the heck of it. For B, well, maybe, maybe when you know that there is one who would be there to answer to your beck and call, or rather, when you know that you have a power over another, a power so strong that it is capable of controlling the other without wielding any sort of authority over the other, possibly the human tendency is to sometimes test it out. Just for fun. Which does not make the action forgivable. But to an extent would surely justify it.
For A, it was unforgivable. It still is. Vivian Leigh has this line in "A Streetcar Named Desire" where she says "Intentional cruelty can never be forgiven". On the money, I would say. But just that with time, hurt heals and we become wiser. With time, we also come to the inescapable conclusion that it all evens out. Where and when are just matters of detail. So it best not to forget but always to forgive.
The dilemma is that sometimes you hardly want things to even out - just because they are friends. Even at your own expense. Even at the expense of a dignity compromised and a loss of self-respect.
10 comments:
"the human tendency is to sometimes test it out. Just for fun. Which does not make the action forgivable. But to an extent would surely justify it."
looks like you are still in love with B. Considering the way you try to justify it!
a lot of our innocuous childhood "jokes" seem insensitive a posteriori. i would not go as far as calling it "cruel", which implies an inherent knowledge of the nature of the act and its implications on others.
however, one questions, whether the act was insensitive in itself, performed as it was,in childlike mischief, or whether the act of analysing the act later, burdened with wisdom of age, makes it so.
obviously this is not a comment on this specific incidence you mention, but to the nature of mischief that we all fall prey to while growing up.
Vijay:
Its justified in the sense that we all do it when we have the upper hand. Does not mean that it is correct.
Snake:
Yes. I would agree with you partially. Its only in analysis later in life that we come to know how good or bad we are/were. It surely does not excuse us from our earlier childlike actions, even if the perpetrators did not have the maturity to think of its repercussions.
ah my friend, but would you a endear a childhood, where all children act like adults ?
imagine a childhood of politically correct law abiding children [ law in the loose sense of the word, not legal code]. not a nice picture, me thinks.
no class bunks, no stealing the neighbour's mango, no joy in secret consumption of the forbidden...bleary, wouldn't you say?
also any act cannot and preferably should not be viewed in isolation of its circumstances...
and circumstances should take into account the prevalent psyche of the perpetrator...
if you look at it objectively, there exists no absolution in the terms of good or bad..flip the cards, change the perspective and the good turns to evil..
Snake:
Agreed on both counts. :)
You might not be knowing me but I know little bits about you & B somehow. Anyways, that's irrelevant trivia in the current context.
As you right quoted "Intentional cruelty....", it should never be. Maybe it was innocent, all were young and it was just a light banter. But then there are certain emotions, egoes which I believe should never be insulted whatever the case may be. If you really believed 'A" was your good friend (and I assume she also thought so at that time) she had absolutely no reason/right to do so. I don't know if you ever asked her later why she did so, but in case you did'nt I think you should.
About B, I can say only thing, she played around with you and your emotions and you were fool enough not to realise so. May be you were too besotted with her and coupled with your immaturity I don't really blame you. But then if I were you, I would have completely disassociated with her forever. Period.
Its good to have some good old male ego at times.
Better late than never !
PS : Get a life dude. Forget the past and move on.
- MCP
MCP:
I am in total agreement with you on most counts. Except one.
I had thought of severing all ties with B. And I nearly implemented that at a later point in time. But then, she had a thought which seemed to be much more sound than mine. She said that letting go of a friendship when we go back such a long way would be foolish.
I thought about it and it made sense. In the long term, when you think back on this, school friends will be the ones connected to your youth. So, before we let go of them, we need to think whether it finally is worth it or not.
And btw, when B read the post, she also said that she would have never kept in touch if such an incident were to happen to her. To which my answer was - "I was always a good person" And for once, I think I DID have the vision to think beyond the immediate.
One more thing - you only need to ask your source about my ego. And the fact that I can write about such stuff with candour proves that I have moved on ?
The idea of chronicling them is only because maybe, again, at some point of time I would want to read through all of these and see, whether what I feel now, or felt in the past is still relevant in the present - as and when it may be.
Good friends deserve a second (third...or nth) chance. Am glad that you gave them that chance...and found out that it was worth it.
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